In August 2021, my debut kid’s book ‘Weird School’ was published by Penguin Random. The very next day, Melbourne went into its 5th pandemic lockdown that lasted 77 days. Subsequently, I was unable to have a launch, do bookstore visits or author sessions in schools. It was dispiriting to not be able to connect with the readers, so I came up with a power point focused online session, which allowed me to virtually visit schools.
By the time the lockdown was lifted, the cycle of book promotion had already moved on to the current releases, so I was left to my own devices. I organised my own launch in December 2021, hosted by my friend and kids book legend, Andy Griffiths.
( At the book launch at Comedy Republic it was revealed that Andy Griffiths was one of the key inspirations for writing the book. The author’s lawyer is currently disputing Griffith’s claim to royalties.)
It was such a joy to finally connect with the readers, young and old. In some ways the delay was advantageous as it meant that many of the kids in attendance had already read the book and were already well versed in the world of Wally Park Primary School.
(Edie had read the book 4 times by the time of the book launch. Receiving an unsolicited hug from Edie, made the author’s heart melt.)
In writing the book, I made the choice to name check as many of my nieces and nephews, and my friend’s kids, as possible. Some were major characters and others mentioned as recipients of ‘Student of the Week Awards’ or winners of events at the school swimming sports. One of the delightful consequences of this, was that some of those kids were able to dress up as themselves for their school’s Book Week Parade.
(Jude Grentell was so excited about being a character in the book, that he not only dressed up as himself for Book Week, he woke up his parents on the morning the book was released, to get them to drive down to the bookshop to buy a copy.)
In recent times, I have been organising school visits whenever my live touring schedule has allowed or, in some cases, popped into schools in the towns where I was performing my show ‘Damian Callinan is ‘Mayor for a Day’. Once the police left, it was incredibly gratifying seeing students directly connecting with the ideas and stories.
(The author pointing out the hairy chest on Pam the Lolly Pop Lady - Balmoral P-12 College)
As a live performer I’m used to the immediacy of audience responses, so the indirect nature of the literary world is new to me. At times, it’s easy to forget that the book exists, so it’s a lovely jolt to receive a message out of the blue. Such was the case with this lovely missive from my friend, and award winning young people’s author, Penny Tangey.
Penny: I'm reading your book with my daughter now and just bragged that I knew you and she asked if I could send you a message. We are really enjoying Weird School. These emojis are from Nina
Damian: Thankyou. These emojis are from me to Nina
Damian: As a special treat, here is an extract that got edited out of the final edit of the book.
She read the deleted bits the following night, by which time the whole family had become involved. This is the conversation that ensued.
Penny: Nina enjoyed the extracted extract. Thankyou!
Penny: Leo says, ‘Why was that deleted?’
Damian: Too much gold … and editors are idiots.
The correspondence stretched out over the following week. I would find extracts that, for whatever reason, hadn’t made the cut, and send them to Penny to read as an add on for that evening’s reading event. By way of payment, I would be sent random emojis. I was perfectly happy with this transaction.
The process made me reflect on how much work, and how many extra words had been written to create the final 35,000 words of the manuscript. Subsequently, I’ve decided to share some of that extra ‘gold’ here.
‘Weird School’ is a book of short stories that are all set in the world of Wally Park Primary School: the weirdest school in Australia. There are recurring characters, but each story stands alone. The stories are broken up with ephemera from the life of the school: Weekly newsletters, notes home about about the upcoming school camp etc. The additional material that I shared with Penny’s family, were largely snippets from the newsletters. They were the easiest fragments to follow out of context, and I had a lot of extra content, as there were more newsletters in the original draft that didn’t make the final cut.
I’ll share the published newsletter here and the deleted extracts below.
WALLY PARK SCHOOL NEWSLETTER
[Published edit]
NOTE FROM THE PRINCIPAL
In the hope that all parents, guardians, students and friends of Wally Park Primary School receive and actually read the fortnightly newsletter, we will now be distributing it by hard copy, email, social media and via a small microchip that has been inserted in your child’s ear.
PARKING
As parents seem to be unable to follow our requests to not drop off students along Wally Park Road, we are making the following changes. In addition to our ‘Kiss and Go’ parking option, we are adding a ‘Wheels Don’t Stop’ drop-off area. Some padding will be laid down in this area, but students are nonetheless encouraged to wear a helmet.
SCHOOL MUSIC RECITAL
Following last night’s performance, the possession and use of a recorder is now strictly forbidden on or near the school grounds.
INSULTING NEIGHBOURS
We were all saddened by the recent complaint made to the school by some passers-by who were subjected to insults by some of our students. The language used was not only inappropriate, but grammatically incorrect and reflects badly on the school. After-school sessions will be conducted in the coming months to help students formulate grammatically well-constructed insults.
END OF YEAR GIFTS
To ensure that hard-working teachers don’t go home at the end of the year with cheap socks, toxic soap and novelty dad joke coffee mugs, a gift registry has been set up at Posh Meadows Department Store. The gifts start at $200.
PEN LICENCES
Congratulations to Johnica, Albutt, Celeriac, Aubergine, Kale, Biscotti, Geofflehem, Shazareth, Jimothy, Pamantha, Pennycillin, Dymphany, Carpetia and Paul for getting their pen licences. Can I just remind parents that the pen licences are for pens only! Some students were seen driving their parents’ cars down Wally Park Road on Friday night.
NATIONAL WALK TO SCHOOL DAY
Walk to School Day was such a great success, we are going to have a different theme each month until the end of the year. Next Friday will be Hop to School Day followed by Crawl, Roll, Somersault, Stagger and Get Dragged to School Days.
PREP ENROLMENTS
As you know enrolments for the next intake of Preps is extremely tight. For this reason, we are implementing a Hunger Games style survival-of-the-fittest sports day for prospective kindergarten students to fill the few remaining vacancies.
WORKING BEE
Thanks to the families who helped out at the last working bee. There will be another working bee later this term, largely to fill in the holes that were accidentally dug at the last working bee.
HEAD LICE
A recent survey of schools in our area has revealed that we have the sixth highest incidence of head lice in the zone. While this is worrying, we have significantly improved from last year’s eleventh place, so the news isn’t all bad. Over coming months, students are encouraged to avoid haircuts and showering, and to relax personal hygiene habits in general to ensure that we finish in the top three next year.
PARENT–TEACHER INTERVIEWS
A reminder to stick to your allotted time. The teachers have many other parents to see. This year, teachers will be provided with capsicum spray to move on any parent who exceeds their allotted time.
STUDENTS OF THE WEEK
Haroula Bouras – for not losing her hat on Tuesday.
Charlie Smyrk – for making a model of the solar system out of his dad’s beer cans.
Perterps Strathbogie – for successfully growing a basil plant in his schoolbag.
Bowie Jones – for project managing the building of the Prep cubbyhouse.
Dr Newm Johningham – for running a bulk-billing medical clinic in the Prep cubbyhouse.
Layoora Frew – for remembering to bring her bathers for swimming every day, even though her class isn’t doing swimming until next term.
Michelle de la Brasier – for doing a jazz cover-version of ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider’ at assembly.
Anna Quine – for walking to the correct school every day this week.
Alicia Quine – for making a cold-case file for every missing book from the Wally Park school library.
Amani Kbolo – for cartwheeling the entire way to and from school every day this week.
Izzy Thebarton – for discovering a new species of moth in her dad’s beard.
Bobby Vickers – for breaking the school record for kicking the most footballs onto the roof.
Siobhan Briggs – for remembering to have a point when it’s her turn to do Show and Tell.
Min Lucas – for training her donkeys to do dressage.
Jude Henry – for finishing off the joinery in the new art room.
Zoe Violet – for learning to say ‘My name is Zoe’ in seventy-four languages.
Hannah Guyer – for ensuring that no snails got stood on after a recent rainstorm.
Nella Josephine – for dropping quotes from the world’s most important feminist speeches into her story about a homesick polar bear.
Saffy Dellafield – for pretending to be a stick insect and not moving for all of little lunch.
Pearl Margaret – for always correctly guessing the altitude of aircraft that fly over the school.
Audrey Mae Bonnefoy – for turning the sandpit into an archaeological dig and finding evidence of first-edition Lego.
WALLY PARK SCHOOL NEWSLETTER
[Deleted Bits]
PUPIL FREE DAY
Friday week will be a pupil free day as the staff will be going away for a Professional Development Retreat from Thursday night. Over the two days we will be pretending to be doing workshops and forward planning but will in fact be sleeping in, shopping, sight-seeing, playing frisbee golf until happy hour after which we will before partying long into the night.
WITCHCRAFT
I was disappointed to see some students practicing witchcraft during recess on Tuesday. We talked at length about this late last year. Witchcraft is strictly forbidden on any day other than full moon Fridays when spells and hexes are more likely to hold.
WALKING BUS
Unfortunately, the school’s Walking Bus has done her ACL and is having a full knee reconstruction. She will be out of service until late next term. If you want to send Wendy a card, she is getting repaired at the Wally Park Public Transport Hospital in Ward 3.
SICK DAYS
Kids, I know it’s early in the year, but don’t forget that your sick leave doesn’t roll over to next year so USE IT NOW!!! I’d also like to remind everyone that there is a competition for the best excuse for a sickie. It’s hard to imagine anyone topping Gus Heywood’s ‘my homework ate my dog’ from last year, but give it your best shot.
FERRET LEGGING
A ‘Ferret Legging Tournament’ will be held at lunchtime next Friday. Anyone who can keep a ferret in their trousers for the full hour will get new trousers as a prize. Students who don’t have a pet ferret should bring a similar animal such as a polecat, stoat, mongoose or weasel.
ADVERTISEMENTS SECTION
A WON TUDORS
Won’t to get ahead of the clarse?
Need that little bit off exstra tewition?
Get behinde with you’re homework tarsks?
THEN YOU NEED ‘A WON TUDORS’
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MATHEMATICALS, EGLISH, SIGHENCE & FOREN LANGWAGES [INCLUDING ITALYANO, JERMAN, JAPONESE AND FRANCHLISH]
WALLY PARK CITY BRASS BAND
Don’t want to blow your own Trumpet?
Did your dog bury your Trombone?
Thought the French Horn was a frog crossed with a unicorn?
THEN WE NEED YOU!
The Wally Park City Brass Band has come last in the national championships for the last 8 years straight. However, despite almost never practicing, some of our band members have started showing some improvement and we are in danger of moving up the rankings. We are looking for musically talentless new members to make sure we ‘blow’ it for a record 9th year.
Call Ron & Shirley Travis 0521 456 234
CAPTAIN DOOMSDAY PARTY PLANNERS
Planning your kid’s birthday party can be hell. Will the other kids get bored? Will the other parents judge you? What if the party is so bad that your child’s life is RUINED?
Take away all of those worries and make sure your kid has an experience they will never forget with
… CAPTAIN DOOMSDAY PARTY PLANNERS
Choose from one of our many party theme packages …
· Last Day on Earth Nuclear Bunker Sleepover [all guests must have a NASA approved Hazmat Radiation Suit]
· The Zombie Apocalypse Experience [vegetarian, vegans and all of those whose diet restricts the consumption of brains, should eat beforehand]
· Backyard Safari [please install zoo standard fencing prior to this event and at least one supervising adult should be comfortable handling a tranquiliser gun]
· The Dungeon of Doom [not advisable for kids with a low pain threshold]
For enquires call ‘Captain Doomsday’ on 0546 567 777
WALLY PARK SURF LIFESAVING CLUB
NEW MEMBERS WANTED!!
Established in 1876, the Wally Park Surf Life Saving Club is Australia’s only inland surf lifesaving club and has a safety record second to none! But our dry paddocks don’t patrol themselves. We need more volunteers to make sure everyone is safe next summer.
[Non swimmers are welcome]
Call WPSC on 0534 879 430
24 HOUR OOSH
[Australia’s first 24/7 Out Of School Hours service]
Struggling to get home in time from work to collect the kids?
Need a bit of extra ‘adult ‘time?
Or
Maybe you just want to completely abandon your responsibilities as a parent?
If the answers to those questions were ‘Yes, yes & hell yeah’ then you need us!
At 24 Hour OOSH, we not only look after your kids, we make up excuses as to why you haven’t come to pick them up … and we’ll keep making excuses until you eventually show up. However, if you decide to take up the overnight option, you’ll be able to temporarily forget you ever had kids in the first place. Our maximum-security OOSH goes into lock down after 8pm and you can sleep tight knowing your kids are safe and happy in our correctional facility style dormitories.
Call ‘The Warden’ on 0567 414 143
Extract from ‘The History of Wally Park Primary School … I think??’
By Professor Judy Moody
Warning – This is reported to be the most inaccurate history book ever written.
The Great Fire of Yonks Ago
Raging for over 17 years or 2 days or 3 minutes depending on who you ask, The Great Fire of Yonks Ago, came close to destroying the Wally Park Primary School Hall back in the year 1962 or 1428 or tomorrow afternoon, depending on who you ask.
The fire began when a Soviet Sputnik Satellite crashed into the roof in 1961 or a fireball was catapulted at it during the Great Wally Park Siege of 1482 or due to an electrical fault caused by a dodgy photo copy machine tomorrow afternoon, depending on who you ask.
The fire was eventually put out by a freak wave or a pie fight or an interschool spitting competition depending on who you ask. However, spot fires continued for a short while afterwards causing further damage to the school dungeon or the air traffic control tower or Mt Kosciusko, depending on who you ask.
In the aftermath of the fire, the school administration decided to allow students to have an RDO every fortnight or replace all the door handles with Tim Tams or make the staff wear balaclavas, depending on who you ask.
To raise money to repair the hall, the school kidnapped the Danish Royal Family and held them to ransom or organised an ‘Owners Who Look Like Their Dog Competition’ or had a snowball drive, depending on who you ask.
To this day this ancient, wonderful architectural gem stands tall and proud over Wally Park and was recently listed as a UNESCO World Heritage site or an excellent location for abalone diving or an asbestos exclusion zone depending on who you ask.
WEIRD SCHOOL
If you are interested in buying a copy of Weird School, follow this link to see how you can order it from your favourite Australian book store.
(The author signing books for the staff at Reading Kids in Carlton, Victoria on the day before Melbourne Lockdown #237)
If you work in a school, library, book club or literature festival, and you are interested in booking Damian to deliver his interactive Weird School Author Presentation, you can make contact here.
Weird School Author Presentation
Penny Tangey
Penny is an award winning fiction writer for young people. She won the ‘Griffith University Children’s Award’ and ‘Readings Children’s Book Prize’ for her book ‘As Fast as You Can’, and has been shortlisted for countless other awards for her other titles. If you’d like to buy her books, learn more about her work or read her hilarious blog, you can find everything you need here.
Andy Griffiths
I mean, the guy doesn’t really need a leg up, but he did do my launch for free, so you can check out how to buy any of his 894 books here.
Fun fact: Did you know ‘Ferrett Legging Fridays’ is a thing at our place? (Hence the greyhound.) Great family fun.