Underbelly Meets Skithouse

It’s the early to mid-noughties: I’m determinedly persisting with double denim, covering my bucket hat in souvenir badges and telling everyone that Franz Ferdinand are going to be bigger that the Beatles. In that sweet spot of my life, I also landed the plum job of working on a successful TV sketch show with a dream cast and crew. Created by Roving Enterprises, ‘skithouse’, would run for 3 seasons on Network 10, (2002-2005) and live on in re-runs for the next decade on the comedychannel. Many of the sketches still live on globally through shares on instagram & Tiktok, detached from any context. I’m told I have a loyal fan base in Bulgaria, who know me as ‘Dart Veĭdŭr s Nakutsvane (Darth Vader with a Limp)

In late 2003, during the making of Season 2, the show was at its peak. The ratings were high; Cal Wilson had joined the cast; Tom Gleeson’s Australian Fast Bowler was coming off the long run; the Nothing Suss Institute had been given Tertiary Status; Tripod were serenading the nation with their closer and my tired and emotional Batman was still unemployable.

(The author as Batman on the day that he found Cal Wilson’s Catwoman, going through his bins)

(Scott Brennan & Tom Gleeson, the founders of the Nothing Suss Institute)

Skithouse wasn’t the only thing happening in the Melbourne of 2003. The Iraq war triggered the biggest peace protest in the city’s history; Warnie was banned from cricket for taking his mum’s weight loss pills and Federation Square had overtaken Sam Newman as the most hated thing in Melbourne.

However, simmering beneath all of this was one of the most unsettling and insidious chapters in the city’s history: The Gangland Killings. From the late 90’s, a series of brutal, public executions marked a notable shift in the rules of engagement between the various underworld, crime factions. Such was the concern for public safety, Victoria Police set up Purana Taskforce to try to bring an end the spate of retributive killings.

As Skithouse hits its peak, so too did the underworld war. On June 21^st, 2003, Jason Moran & Pasquale Barbero were gunned down at a football ground in Essendon by Viktor Brincat. The killings were witnessed by five children, including Moran’s twins. Melbourne was now on tenterhooks: when and where would the next execution take place?

Skithouse was almost entirely shot on location, apart from the nerve centre of the Death Star that we had built in Port Melbourne and a brick for brick replica of an Elizabethan Child Care Centre for a sketch about Shakespeare as toddler that I wrote, that was never actually made. ‘Sonnets in the Sandpit’ is one of the greatest missed opportunities of my career.

One entire shoot day of Season 2 was spent at the Como Hotel in South Yarra, in Melbourne’s Inner east. It was a Friday, so we decided to have wrap drinks downstairs in the Iso Bar to farewell Pauline Walker, our 1st AD, who was leaving the show to work on a film.

Pauline was very popular, so there was a great turn out of cast & crew. There was a great buzz in the bar, though I recall a heated analysis of a recent scene that featured me dressed as Osama Bin Laden, recording jingles in the studio. The question was, would it go to air, and if so, how long until I was cancelled.

I recall that I had just made my way through the crowded room heading for the bar to get my round, when the room suddenly went quiet. I looked to where everyone’s head had turned. Carl Williams was standing in the doorway. He had a woman on his arm, that was not his wife Roberta, and it was clear from the point of entry, that they were staying in the hotel. Dressed in a stained grey adidas tracksuit, he blankly scoped the room. I could tell I was not alone in feeling nervous about sharing a public place with Gangland Target No 1. So many things were racing through my mind: Which doorway would an assassin likely enter from; which Tripod member would I use as a human shield and where was the Australian Fast Bowler when we needed him?

(Portrait of Tom Gleeson as the Australian Fast Bowler. The only image known to have appeared in both TV Week & the Wisden Cricket Almanac)

When Carl and his companion eventually settled in the corner with their Wild Turkey and cokes, the hubbub returned, and we carried on with our night. After a while, I forgot he was even there.

Eventually, our group was showing the first signs of dispersing, so I decided we should get everyone together for a group photo with Pauline. This was pre-phone cameras, so I retrieved my Canon Powershot A300 out of my Sydney 2000 souvenir backpack.

It took a while to recruit the disparate conversation groups, but eventually I had them arranged into a workable portrait group in our corner of the bar. Happy with the placement, I turned around to get a random to take the picture. When I swivelled 180 degrees, Carl Williams was standing directly behind me. He was waiting patiently to be served at the bar. We looked at each other, and he looked at the camera. It would have felt weird to walk past him to look for someone else: He was right there! So, I said, ‘Mate, do you mind a talking photo for us?’ And he said ‘Alright’

I gave him a quick lesson on how to use my brand-new auto focus, digital camera. I didn’t want to treat him like an idiot, but there were a few steps to the process, and he was currently holding it like a neanderthal who had just been handed a book. When he seemed satisfied with the instructions, I turned to face the group, who were unsurprisingly wearing various shades of shocked. Carl couldn't see my beaming smile as I walked back to take my place, a la Terry in the opening credits of The Sullivans (Google that if you’re under 50).

We were all set, and he went to take the picture, but I could tell he was confused by the ‘half press to focus’ step and it wouldn’t take. He tried again, but still no luck. So, I had to go back and teach him out how to shoot.

(The author was unable to find the photo in question so here is a location picture taken around that time featuring Skithouse cast & creatives - Scod Edgar, Steven Gates, Nic Bufalo, Roz Hammond, Scott Brennan, Fiona Harris, Cal Wilson & the author. My memory is foggy, but this was either a Pride & Prejudice parody or Nic’s bucks night)