The 8th Annual Damian Callinan Facebook Birthday Awards

8 years ago, I decided that rather than just like, or love all the birthday messages in my FaceBook feed, I would create awards to acknowledge those people who had gone to an extra effort to make their message stand out. Such was the popularity of that awards post, that by the time my next birthday came around, people had started preparing ahead in the hope that they would receive a gong at the ‘next’ awards ceremony. That singular post has now become an annual tradition & a time draining albatross around my neck. To ameliorate this loss of time, I’ve decided to reproduce the results here. Enjoy!

___________________________________________________________________________

Welcome to the 8th annual Damian Callinan Facebook Awards. This year has seen some shifts in content with birthday avatars dominating the message pool & creat!ve punct.uation getting a fiRm footHol&d.. There has been a decline in entries from shepherds, counter-balanced by a steep incline in messages from shearers. Mystics, babies & rodeo clowns continue to be under-represented.

Daves (13) have absolutely dominated the male competition this year, with Andrew (6), Tony (6) & Peter (6) having strong seasons. Fiona (6) has again taken out the female premiership, followed by the big improvers, Clare/Claire (5) & Di (4)

I was referred to as Damian, Damien, Daimo, Damo, Dami, Daymen, The King, Weapon, Bags, The Lord Mayor, The Maestro of Merriment, Sublime Gent as well as a Mate & a Scholar.

For reasons only known to the employees of Mr Zuckerberg, my Facebook Birthday reminders said that this was my 55th birthday. It is in fact my 59th birthday. This was not an attempt on my part to obviate the ageing process.

Before we get into the awards proper, let’s take a look at the raw data.

Wall Messages (261)

DMs (16)

Texts (23)

Slack Messages (2)

Nieces & Nephews (3)

Party Popper Avatars (29)

Birthday Cake Avatars (5)

Misspelling of my Name (6)

Piggy Backed Messages (9)

Happy Birthday (with no further embellishment) (50)

Now to the awards …

GEOGRAPHY AWARDS

LONG DISTANCE INTERNATIONAL – Al Pitcher (Sweden) Christopher Addison Noel Kelso (UK)

LONG DISTANCE DOMESTIC – Ella McCarthy, Glenys Mulvany, Hillary Readings & Emer O’Gara (Perth, WA)

1STS AWARDS

1ST MESSAGE – David H. Wong (12:00am)

1ST NEPHEW – Sean Callinan

1ST NIECE – Nicky Callinan

1ST AUNTY – Margaret Anderson

1ST COUSIN – Sean Dorney

1ST SECOND COUSIN – Jacinta White

1ST TEXT – Ben Payne (5:32am)

1ST DM – Jeanne-Clare Storace (7:55am)

LAST MESSAGE (within December 6th parameters) – Merryn O'Brien (11:49pm)

LITERARY AWARDS

ELIZABETHAN FLOURISH

Craig Wellington for … ‘Dear Sir, may your day verily be filled with joy, love and laughter. C.Well esqu’

FAVOURITE SENTENCE

Jezebel Guille for … ‘... may the sprite of disgustingly good fortune loiter at your table long after beddibyes time’

BEST ANAGRAM

Andrew Gigacz for … ‘Happy birthday to DAMIAN CALLINAN,

who is (anagrammatically at least) a MANIAC AND ALL-IN in everything he does. And that's why we love you, Damo.’

ECONOMY OF WORDS

Steve Young for … ‘Your day Damian’

& Mett Alsbury for … ‘Happy Wednesday’

SDRAWKCAB AWARD

Sean Callinan for … ‘!yad taerg a dah ev’uoy epoH !naimaD elcnu yadhtrib yppaH’

METAPHORICAL STORYTELLING

Emilie Collyer for ‘Speed Humps Ahead’

'I was driving down a street the other day that had prominent speed bumps. It was frustrating because it meant I couldn't go as fast I wanted! I think this is the point of speed bumps. To slow us down. So fewer people are at risk of getting hit by cars. Maybe also to ruin our car wheel bearings so we prop up the motor vehicle repair industry, but I digress. Having recognised some of the most annoying speed bumps in my immedIate vicinity (which are on Charles Street Seddon by the way), I was given cause to reflect on the best speed bumps in my life. It was probably, oh, about 30 years ago? Something like that. I was in a workshop space, learning about improv and theatre sports and was lucky enough to be there with a very funny, smart, kind fellow called Damian and we formed a little theatre sports team and gave it the name Speed Bumps Ahead. Or was it Humps? Anyway, those were the nicest speed bumps I ever encountered and remain so to this day. Happy birthday to my fellow road traveller. May life slow you for the view and zip you along to wherever you want to be. Beep beep!

COMEDY AWARDS

MADE ME LAUGH THE MOST

Brendan Flynn for … ‘Happy Birthday Damian. Please come back to West Preston. Since you left, I am the slowest runner in the hood’

BEST CALL BACK WITH NO CONTEXT

Kevin Kopfstein for … ‘Happy Guntherbrae Damian!

&

Gemma Dawes for … ‘Happy Birthday for yesterday Damo!! I hope you found time for a dance but remember they do the dressage first.’

BEST CALL BACK (with a film context) – Aaron Grogs for … ‘I hope your birthday is full on, but not too full on.’

VISUAL AWARDS

BEST USE OF AI - Jason Kelly for … ‘Damo holding a Melon’

BEST ARCHIVAL PICS – Fahey Prinny Scott-Younger for … ‘Miss Itchy & Sergeant Damo’

& Dan Illic for ‘Old Damo’

BEST STILL – Andrea Powell for … ‘Sniffing Yogi Bear’s Arse’

BEST ART HOUSE FILM – Paul Calleja for … ‘Damo Thunderbird’

BEST AUSTRALIAN FILM – Emily Taheny for … ‘The Warooka Parade’

BEST DOCUMENTARY – Alan Moyle (from PHOTOBAT) for … ‘Damo & The Beanstalk’

MISCELLANEOUS AWARDS

SA PROUD AWARD

Michelle Wigg for … ‘Have a cracker of a day. I’ll have some Adelaide treats in your honour. (Haighs frogs, get in my face, it’s DC’s birthday.)

SEEING OTHER COMEDIANS AWARD

Louise Mitchell for … ‘Happy Birthday Damo, I need to learn to love other comedians as much as I love you.’

THE BIG ONES

THE SILVER DAMO

Dave Bloustien would have won the Golden Damo most other years with ... ‘Hey Damian, I’m writing as a friend but also out of concern as a fan. It occurs to me that you have held your birthday every year on the 6th of December for 55 years. I appreciate that this is ‘what the audience expects’, and I admire your commitment to the bit, but I also feel that for an artist such as yourself, who has staked out his territory with such fresh and original character work, this repetition risks becoming stale. Have you considered other, underrepresented dates for your birthday? Such as the 32nd of Crowvember or Late Mardigan? Yours sincerely, Dave.’

THE GOLDEN DAMO

This year the standout entry was Rusty Berther & Emzy Trevillian for … ‘Don’t You Want Me (Damo) Baby’ – A live, filmed serenade featuring fully augmented sound, customised lyrics & 80’s ensembles, that caused neighbouring workers to climb fences to see what was going on.

Thank you to everyone who participated. Don’t be offended if you didn’t win an award this year, just be better next year!