First Day of School

Alternatives to Just Taking a Photo to Mark the Occasion

As the first day back at school pictures seep into our social media feeds, it’s given me rise to contemplate how the milestone could be celebrated with more imagination. Look, I have heart. I’m not unaffected by the sight of a prep squinting into the sun, in an oversized uniform that was bought to last until at least Grade 2: Their body to school bag ratio making them look like they’re part of an advanced Sherpa party leaving base camp. I’m just saying, that if you really want your kid to stand out from the crowd, and have a truly memorable first day at school, here are some options.

Tandem Sky Dive

Sure, it’s a right of passage for a child to have their hand held by their guardian/s as they walk into the school, before being literally and metaphorically handed over to their first teacher. How much more memorable though, to tandem skydive with your child and land in the playground. The moment you unclasp them from their harness before they run off to class, will be etched in their memory forever. Make them wear their head band Go-Pro all day, to capture the reactions as the school community recognise the kid who ‘fell’ to school on their first day.

Live Stream the Day

From the moment they wake up, until their head hits the pillow that night, have a camera crew rolling. You not only get to capture every nanosecond of their day, you also get a virtual guest book as the comments fill the feed. You could get those watching to make suggestions in the chat, as your young one negotiates the plethora of new experiences … Ask that ranga kid if you can have his brownie … Pretend you can’t speak English … Ask to go to the toilet, then climb out the window … Tell the teacher that the person who dropped you off isn’t your real dad and you’re not sure who he is … Ask the teacher to take you to their leader.

Podcast

Launch a weekly podcast documenting every day of their school life for 13 years. The weekly wrap up could include interviews with the lolly pop lady dissecting their road crossing performance; former friends discussing the incident that led to their falling out & the drama teacher explaining why they only managed to get cast as the back of the donkey in the Nativity play.

For Patreon members, you could include access to parent teacher interviews, Naplan results and document visits from the public health nurse.

Portrait Sitting

Rather than just take pictures on your phone, organise for your kid to sit for a commissioned portrait. At the end of the year when other parents boast that their child sits in a higher percentile of academic achievement, you’ll be able to say … ‘That’s all very well, but has your child’s Ben Quilty portrait been shortlisted for the Archibald?’

First Day of School Photo Series

What is better than one first day at school? That’s correct! Lots of first days at school. Keep enrolling your child in a different school for every day of their first year of school. This is particularly useful for those who have children that are not easy to like. On their first, and only day at each school, their teacher will appoint a ‘Friend’ to show them around and make them feel welcome. If your kid is the ‘Orange Slice’ in the pack Arnott’s Family Creams, that friendship is unlikely to last the week, so this way they will have at least one friend every day.

Additionally, you will end up with hundreds of ‘first day at school’ photos to choose from for their 21st wall. (Assuming they have friends by this stage of their life)

This process also acts as an audition process. After every day, you take them through a rating system discussing criteria such as best playground, standard of tuckshop menu, hotness of teachers, sick bay facilities, quality of excursions and working bee expectations. Based on the ratings at the end of the year, you choose which school you’d like them to attend for the rest of their primary school years.